I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
