Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
