I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
