it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
