So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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