i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
