Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
