you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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