her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
