you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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