I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
