you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think i got beer on your cat.
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