Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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