Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
