So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
