Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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