I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
