but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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