I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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