Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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