So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
