after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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