I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
