My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
