If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
