Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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