And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
