I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think my vagina is haunted
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
