when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
