she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
