I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
