First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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