we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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