listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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