Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
