I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
