I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
