my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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