Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
