Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
