Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
