you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
