Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
