Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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