Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
