You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
