worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
