All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
