god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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