he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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