my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
