Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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