He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
