just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
